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زنده باد تجرد / بیچاره متاهلها

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سه شنبه 1 شهریور 1390-01:38 ق.ظ

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not
the only thing in life!!


هر مردی باید یكروزی ازدواج كنه،چون شادی تنها چیز زندگی نیست

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others.

--Oscar Wilde

برای مجردها باید مالیات سنگینی مقرر شود،چون این انصاف نیست كه بعضیها
شادتر از بقیه زندگی كنند


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

--Scottish Proverb

برای پول ازدواج نكنید ، میتونید اونرو با بهره كمتری قرض بگیرید

ضرب المثل اسكاتلندی
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

--Sam Kinison

من از تروریستها وحشتی ندارم ، من دوساله ازدواج كردم

سام كینیسون

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Men have a better time than women; for one thing,
they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

--H. L. Mencken

مردها فرصت بهتری در زندگی نسبت به زنان دارند،یكی بخاطر اینكه دیرتر
ازدواج میكنند و دوم اینكه زودتر میمیرند


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

وقتی كه یك زوج تازه مزدوج لبخند میزنند،همه میدونند چرا

ولی وقتی یك زوج ده سال پس از ازدواج لبخند میزنند همه حیرانند چرا ؟

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

عشق آدم را كور میكند ولی ازدواج چشمان انسان را باز میكند

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing:

either the car is new or the wife.

وقتی مردی درب خودرو را برای همسرش باز میكند ، شما میتوانید مطمئن باشید كه : 0

یا ماشین جدید است یا همسرش

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding
her way back to home always.


من همسرم را خودم همه جا میبرم ، ولی اون همیشه راه برگشتن به خانه را پیدا میكند

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary? " She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her,
"How about the kitchen?"


من از همسرم پرسیدم كه برای سالگرد ازدواجمان به كجا برویم؟  او گفت: به
جائی كه تا حالا نرفتم.من گفتم: نظرت راجع به آشپزخانه چطوره؟!!!!! 0

آنو نیموس
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

من همیشه دستان همسرم را در دستم میگیرم، چون اگه رهاش كنم اون میره خرید0

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.


همسرم برای دوساعت در یك سالن آرایش و زیبائی بود

البته فقط برای ارزیابی و قیمت گرفتن

آنو نیموس

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
the mud fell off.


همسرم یك ماسك تقویتی صورت خرید ،برای دوروز خیلی صورتش خوب شده بود ولی
بعدش ماسك افتاد !!!0

آنو نیموس

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."


همسرم دنبال ماشین زباله دوید و فریاد زد "آیا برای انداختن زباله دیر
كردم ؟ " 0من هم دنبالش به سمت خیابان دویدم و فریاد زدم " نه ، بپر توش
! " 0

آنو نیموس

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses
to get to married.
He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs... .."


باد تدی برای من شرح میداد كه چرا از ازدواج كردن فراریست.میگفت: حلقه
ازدواج مثل یك دستبند مینیاتوریست00000
آنو نیموس

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!


اگر سگتون پشت در عقبی پارس كنه و زنتون پشت درب جلوئی خانه صذا
بزند،اول درب را برای كدامشان باز میكنید؟

خوب معلومه سگه، چون حداقل اون وقتی اومد تو ساكت میشه !!!!0

آنو نیموس

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."

مردی دسته گلی روی قبر مادر عزیز مرحومش گذاشت و داشت به سمت ماشینش
برمیگشت كه توجهش به مردی جلب شد كه بالای سر قبری زانو زده بود.بنظر
میرسید مرد با سوز و گداز فراوانی جمله ای را تكرار میكرد،"چرا باید از
دست میرفتی؟" ، " چرا باید از دست میرفتی؟"0

مرد اولی به سمتش رفت وگفت: امیدوارم مزاحم سوگواریتان نشده باشم اما در
این حد اظهار عجز و ناراحتی را تا بحال ندیده ام ، برای چه كسی
اینطورعمیق ابراز ناراحتی میكنید؟ فرزند؟والدین؟

مرد سوگوار چند لحظه ای طول كشید تا خودش را جمع و جور كند سپس پاسخ
داد:"شوهر اول همسرم ! " 0

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a coin .
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned
over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then
smiled "It really works!"

یك زوج بر سر یك چاه آرزو رفتند، مرد خم شد ، آرزوئی كرد و یك سكه به
داخل چاه انداخت.زن هم تصمیم گرفت آرزوئی كند ولی زیادی خم شد و ناگهان
به داخل چا ه پرت شد

مرد چند لحظه ای بهت زده شد بعد لبخندی زد و گفت: " این واقعا" درست كار
میكنه !!!!"0

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